This is a story about a whale....

I'm a few weeks into my third trimester and getting quite anxious to meet this 'Wee Little Lagan' as Rosemary so affectionately dubbed it. (For some reason Mom liked this name better than David and Julie's suggested 'Squidwad') I get sore if I stand for more than a few minutes and I've started to grow sideways because my stomach is out as far as it's going to go. I can't bend in half and I have to hold my breath when I put on my shoes because the baby moves up against my lungs. In general, I feel like a whale -a beached one that can't really go anywhere or do anything like it's used to doing. Oh the not-so-glorious parts of pregnancy.

In the midst of this discomfort, I'm finding myself more and more anxious to meet this little person who has already so greatly changed my priorities. I'm starting to want to clean everything thoroughly because I want our home to be as safe and comfortable as possible. It's easier to turn down my favorite salty and sugary foods because someone else is affected by even the simplest of my food choices. It's easier to WANT to find my flaws and change so I can be the best wife and mom possible for our home. I find myself getting excited for labor because it means I'm so close to finding out if I have a little boy to love fiercely or a little girl to treasure. Everyone's born with their own personality. I can't wait to discover his/hers. I wonder if our first child will be more like Joel or me? I wonder which uncle they'll look forward to seeing most, which aunt they'll want advice from? I also wonder which of our friends will become extended family members helping raise our children. Not just this one, all of them.

I can't explain the changes that God works in my heart on a daily basis. There's a growing and a deepening of a part of me that has always been pretty small. A part of me that makes decisions and isn't so worried about what other people think. That part of me that didn't quite consider myself an adult is shrinking even more. I not only like respect from kids now, I expect it. I'm an adult in a way I haven't been before. I'm beginning to make 'mom' decisions and struggle with 'mom' struggles. While it's just the beginning, my mentality has changed quite a bit.

As a child, I was always under my parents. I lived a life that meant I respected them and anyone older than me. As a teenager, I was still under my parents but they gave me freedom. College was a time to step out on my 'own' but still have the security of my parents as the final say. Getting married put Joel and I out on our own. It stopped with us. We were in charge of our decisions and we weren't responsible to anyone. Now all of a sudden we're in a new place. We're not just doing life together, we're leading in a way we never have. Leading a new generation of children and we're responsible to teach them in such a way that they can eventually do the same.