One Year Ago Today

My precious Bug is a year old today. She looks older and all of a sudden is acting older too. She's so very aware of her surroundings and her extroverted little personality demands that anything she can interact with gets her attention (even if it's simply a radio that plays music back to whatever she says to it). She's wicked good at making eye contact, even with total strangers. She still waves non-stop but mostly because she now understands that you wave to say 'hello' and 'goodbye,' so while her wave to say 'hi' has found a normal  duration, she now is adding in a wave to say 'bye'. She dances when she hears her music playing and claps her hands if she hears someone say 'good job' or 'good girl.' I've been made aware of the phrases I use most with her since they're the ones she best understands.Apparently one I've used a lot is "What's in your mouth."

Last week she started crawling and now there's no stopping her. Although she's happy to play by herself, I now have to keep a much more keen eye on what she's up to. The other day I saw she was chewing something that obviously wasn't food so I asked "What's in your mouth?" Without missing a beat she pulled out a chewed up bite of the junk mail I'd just set aside, showed it to me between two tiny fingers and then stuck it right back into her mouth for some finer grinding. She can tell by the intonation of my words whether she wants to respond to me or not, whether I'm coming from a positive or negative angle... and so the selective hearing is already beginning.

The close of our first year together feels pretty monumental and I've been a lot more emotional and sentimental these last few days than I expected. (Please don't let the frequency of the word 'mental' in the previous sentence be lost on you) Last night I couldn't sleep so I laid in bed for hours waiting for it to wash over me. It did in small amounts but I woke up at various times and  I couldn't help but remember what was going on a year ago.

A year ago June 23 - Around 6.30pm I told Joel I thought I was in labor. By 10pm we were sure of it and we headed over to say goodbye to a dear friend moving to Maryland for his Fellowship for Infectious Diseases. We spent the drive on the phone, calling our families to let them know we were probably going to the hospital the next day. We went to bed late that night but planned to sleep in. The average first delivery takes 14 hours. Knowing my compulsion to do life the hard way, I was expecting 24 hours of labor so sleep was definitely on the to-do list.


A year ago June 24 - Woke up to a phone call at 6.30am from my sister letting me know they were on the Tappan Zee Bridge in New York and would see me soon. 1.30pm with contractions 4 minutes apart lasting 45 seconds, we headed to the hospital. 3pm and barely keeping the tears at bay we headed home from the hospital. My contractions were decreasing in time apart and increasing in duration and pain but nothing else was happening. 3.30-4.30pm I cried. Hard. Mostly because we were close to the 24 hour mark and clearly nowhere close to having our baby. 5.30pm with contractions 2 minutes apart, lasting 45-65seconds long we fed the pets, piled in cars with bags, snacks, books and anything else my family might need in the waiting room and headed to the hospital. Joel and Mom stayed with me the next several hours bringing me icees, heat packs and talking with the nurses to distract me. At 11pm, after getting to hour 29 and knowing I still had a long way to go, I asked for an epidural. 


A year ago today, June 25- 12.30am the anesthesiologist finally came to give me an epidural.12.31am I was repeatedly telling the anesthesiologist how thankful I was for him (and I vaguely recall saying something about him being my best friend). For the next few hours I managed to doze in and out between the worst contractions. By 7am there was no more napping to be had but I felt like a new woman in labor and a bit more ready for the long haul. At 8.45am the doctor, nurses and NICU staff were on hand to begin the final stages of labor. I was ready- I could finally do something to meet my baby. At 10.05am a screaming, squiggling little person was placed on my chest. I cried again. Hard, happy tears. There are no words in the world to describe how fast the pain and exhaustion disappears in the flood of 'motherness' that comes over you the moment you hear, see or feel your baby. Moments later Joel announced it was a girl.Still a bit loopy from the epidural, I told him I'd get him a shotgun for her sixteenth birthday and the doctor looked on disapprovingly (wonder how he felt about gun control). The next few hours and days consisted of introducing Charli to our families and a few friends too. As new parents we undervalued the ability to sleep in the hospital, accepting insane numbers of visitors at all kinds of hours and paid for it later. But we made memories and greeted a steep learning curve as best we knew how.


When we brought Charli home, we were greeted with a huge sign out front announcing 'It's A Girl,' excited aunties ready to shower Charli with affection, flower arrangements that had been dropped off and my brother-in-law even got me my own Feta cheese (one of the foods I most missed eating while pregnant). Mom and my youngest sister spent the first few days with us cleaning, running errands and taking Charli between feedings so I could make up for all the sleep I missed at first. Friends and family brought us suppers for the better part of a month and my mother-in-law was on call to do things like dishes and vacuum our carpets and watch Charli while I napped. We were spoiled.


The list of people who have loved us this first year is long and the list of ways they've supported us is even longer. The year has had a zillion changes and trials- some to do with parenthood but many not at all. In the midst of all the craziness we have been afforded the privilege of raising and getting to know a beautiful little girl who has changed us forever. In one year with Charli Grace I have come to know a depth in my own person and most certainly in my God that I would never have known otherwise. I can't image what year 2 will bring us.