Welcome to Motherhood

I am a mom. It's validated by the precious little girl sleeping next to me right now and also by the fact that I have been trying to write this post for 12 weeks and been sidetracked by baths, feedings and diaper changes instead.

I wrote a while ago about making 'mom' decisions. In these last 12 weeks I've learned a lot. I don't know it all but here are some things I've learned so far:

1. Since Joel and I are her parents, we are the final say for all things Charlotte. If we don't protect her, we're not doing our job. If someone doesn't listen to us, they're disobeying and lose the privilege of holding her. (As you can see, this understanding makes me sassy.)

2. Parenthood has the most brutal initiation ever. It's like guerrilla warfare- learn under fire or everyone dies.

3. Becoming a mom puts you on a perpetual guilt trip. Perpetual guilt trips will make you crazy. The only way to get away from is it to yell something louder than your thoughts for the rest of your life or talk it out with whoever's around, even if it's your cat because even talking to your cat is a better option than yelling loudly for the rest of your life.

4. Everything is emotional. Everything. This is why it takes your mom 20 minutes to give you a simple yes or no. In those 20 minutes she has just relived every single painful and happy memory you've ever shared- even the ones you don't remember. She's lassoed intense emotions and talked her way back to a rational state with the truth. She then weighs your chances of succeeding in whatever endeavor you're pursuing before giving you the answer that is most likely to increase your win/loss ratio. Don't give her a hard time.

5. You need a fall guy for when all else fails, because it will. And it will render you useless to any kind of decision making. This is when you present the options to your fall guy and say "babe, which one do I want?"