My precious Bug is a year old today. She looks older and all of a sudden is acting older too. She's so very aware of her surroundings and her extroverted little personality demands that anything she can interact with gets her attention (even if it's simply a radio that plays music back to whatever she says to it). She's wicked good at making eye contact, even with total strangers. She still waves non-stop but mostly because she now understands that you wave to say 'hello' and 'goodbye,' so while her wave to say 'hi' has found a normal duration, she now is adding in a wave to say 'bye'. She dances when she hears her music playing and claps her hands if she hears someone say 'good job' or 'good girl.' I've been made aware of the phrases I use most with her since they're the ones she best understands.Apparently one I've used a lot is "What's in your mouth."
Last week she started crawling and now there's no stopping her. Although she's happy to play by herself, I now have to keep a much more keen eye on what she's up to. The other day I saw she was chewing something that obviously wasn't food so I asked "What's in your mouth?" Without missing a beat she pulled out a chewed up bite of the junk mail I'd just set aside, showed it to me between two tiny fingers and then stuck it right back into her mouth for some finer grinding. She can tell by the intonation of my words whether she wants to respond to me or not, whether I'm coming from a positive or negative angle... and so the selective hearing is already beginning.
The close of our first year together feels pretty monumental and I've been a lot more emotional and sentimental these last few days than I expected. (Please don't let the frequency of the word 'mental' in the previous sentence be lost on you) Last night I couldn't sleep so I laid in bed for hours waiting for it to wash over me. It did in small amounts but I woke up at various times and I couldn't help but remember what was going on a year ago.
A year ago June 23 - Around 6.30pm I told Joel I thought I was in labor. By 10pm we were sure of it and we headed over to say goodbye to a dear friend moving to Maryland for his Fellowship for Infectious Diseases. We spent the drive on the phone, calling our families to let them know we were probably going to the hospital the next day. We went to bed late that night but planned to sleep in. The average first delivery takes 14 hours. Knowing my compulsion to do life the hard way, I was expecting 24 hours of labor so sleep was definitely on the to-do list.
A year ago June 24 - Woke up to a phone call at 6.30am from my sister letting me know they were on the Tappan Zee Bridge in New York and would see me soon. 1.30pm with contractions 4 minutes apart lasting 45 seconds, we headed to the hospital. 3pm and barely keeping the tears at bay we headed home from the hospital. My contractions were decreasing in time apart and increasing in duration and pain but nothing else was happening. 3.30-4.30pm I cried. Hard. Mostly because we were close to the 24 hour mark and clearly nowhere close to having our baby. 5.30pm with contractions 2 minutes apart, lasting 45-65seconds long we fed the pets, piled in cars with bags, snacks, books and anything else my family might need in the waiting room and headed to the hospital. Joel and Mom stayed with me the next several hours bringing me icees, heat packs and talking with the nurses to distract me. At 11pm, after getting to hour 29 and knowing I still had a long way to go, I asked for an epidural.
A year ago today, June 25- 12.30am the anesthesiologist finally came to give me an epidural.12.31am I was repeatedly telling the anesthesiologist how thankful I was for him (and I vaguely recall saying something about him being my best friend). For the next few hours I managed to doze in and out between the worst contractions. By 7am there was no more napping to be had but I felt like a new woman in labor and a bit more ready for the long haul. At 8.45am the doctor, nurses and NICU staff were on hand to begin the final stages of labor. I was ready- I could finally do something to meet my baby. At 10.05am a screaming, squiggling little person was placed on my chest. I cried again. Hard, happy tears. There are no words in the world to describe how fast the pain and exhaustion disappears in the flood of 'motherness' that comes over you the moment you hear, see or feel your baby. Moments later Joel announced it was a girl.Still a bit loopy from the epidural, I told him I'd get him a shotgun for her sixteenth birthday and the doctor looked on disapprovingly (wonder how he felt about gun control). The next few hours and days consisted of introducing Charli to our families and a few friends too. As new parents we undervalued the ability to sleep in the hospital, accepting insane numbers of visitors at all kinds of hours and paid for it later. But we made memories and greeted a steep learning curve as best we knew how.
When we brought Charli home, we were greeted with a huge sign out front announcing 'It's A Girl,' excited aunties ready to shower Charli with affection, flower arrangements that had been dropped off and my brother-in-law even got me my own Feta cheese (one of the foods I most missed eating while pregnant). Mom and my youngest sister spent the first few days with us cleaning, running errands and taking Charli between feedings so I could make up for all the sleep I missed at first. Friends and family brought us suppers for the better part of a month and my mother-in-law was on call to do things like dishes and vacuum our carpets and watch Charli while I napped. We were spoiled.
The list of people who have loved us this first year is long and the list of ways they've supported us is even longer. The year has had a zillion changes and trials- some to do with parenthood but many not at all. In the midst of all the craziness we have been afforded the privilege of raising and getting to know a beautiful little girl who has changed us forever. In one year with Charli Grace I have come to know a depth in my own person and most certainly in my God that I would never have known otherwise. I can't image what year 2 will bring us.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Guts But No Glory
Joel's car is in the shop. We remembered this five minutes before he had to head to work today. Any other day I would toss him the keys to Betsy, my large-and-in-charge old man car. However, today was the day I was hoping to finally see a doctor about my poison ivy that set up shop nine weeks ago (yes, NINE WEEKS!) and is still progressing. Don't get me wrong, I have seen a doctor. In fact, two different doctors have given me two different prescriptions which have both done less than whatever concoctions I come up with at home and while I've bought CVS' entire stock of over-the-counter treatments and persisted in trying them for the last seven weeks, they're inefficacious against this monster. After calling every dermatologists near me yesterday and finding out that the fastest any one of them could see me was October (wow, did I pick the wrong career!), I was hoping that my good old GP could do something about this. Needless to say, waiving all rights to Betsy today was not an option. Two minutes later I was dressed and we were packing up the car.
After the mad dash of loading up Charli, her breakfast and any diaper bag details Murphy would decide we need if we tried to chance it and fighting traffic to and from Joel's work, I arrived home ready to start my day. The babe was fed, I was dressed, my husband was at work, it was only 8.15am and I had energy to spare. I felt a bit like superwoman.
Right after I got Charli dressed for the day, my cat, ChelseaFootballClub, decided that his morning diet wasn't sitting right with him. Not to get graphic, but I'm pretty sure the reason he had indigestion was because he ate five times the amount his stomach could digest. I had visions of trying to keep the cat and Charli away from me while cleaning up toxic waste without a hazmat suit. Not going to work. So I tossed the cat outside and got Charli set up with some blueberries in her high chair before arming myself with all kinds of tools and chemicals. The clean up with far less traumatic than I anticipated and I realized I had time to get all the trash inside the house out to the large can before the collectors came this morning. I was beginning to feel a bit like superwoman again until I stepped out the door armed with full trash bags... onto the remaining guts of the mouse that had gotten revenge on Chelsea shortly before. Did I mention it's Spring so I am always barefoot? This was followed by the first explosive diaper we've ever had. Really, how could this morning get started any better?
I was tempted to fall apart, crawl back in bed and call the day quits. And while anyone who knows me, knows how very uncomfortable guts and body functions make me (I know you wouldn't this so with the length of this post but it really is true), I had a moment where I realized my thinking was all wrong. Motherhood is not about being or feeling like superwoman. It's not about having a good morning or getting more done in a day than you expected. It's not really about getting glory and in fact, it's not about me at all. Motherhood isn't measured in how pleasant you are after a full night's sleep, or how often your baby girl claps at the funny songs you sing for her. It's about doing the very best you can with whatever comes your way for the people that you love and are responsible for. This morning, all the things that came my way were things that make me squirm. But the toxic waste is gone, the carpet cleaned, my baby's napping with a clean bottom and I even managed to get a doctor appointment for later this morning. Hopefully she'll be able to help get rid of one squirmy thing. But even if she can't, life feels a little super.
After the mad dash of loading up Charli, her breakfast and any diaper bag details Murphy would decide we need if we tried to chance it and fighting traffic to and from Joel's work, I arrived home ready to start my day. The babe was fed, I was dressed, my husband was at work, it was only 8.15am and I had energy to spare. I felt a bit like superwoman.
Right after I got Charli dressed for the day, my cat, ChelseaFootballClub, decided that his morning diet wasn't sitting right with him. Not to get graphic, but I'm pretty sure the reason he had indigestion was because he ate five times the amount his stomach could digest. I had visions of trying to keep the cat and Charli away from me while cleaning up toxic waste without a hazmat suit. Not going to work. So I tossed the cat outside and got Charli set up with some blueberries in her high chair before arming myself with all kinds of tools and chemicals. The clean up with far less traumatic than I anticipated and I realized I had time to get all the trash inside the house out to the large can before the collectors came this morning. I was beginning to feel a bit like superwoman again until I stepped out the door armed with full trash bags... onto the remaining guts of the mouse that had gotten revenge on Chelsea shortly before. Did I mention it's Spring so I am always barefoot? This was followed by the first explosive diaper we've ever had. Really, how could this morning get started any better?
I was tempted to fall apart, crawl back in bed and call the day quits. And while anyone who knows me, knows how very uncomfortable guts and body functions make me (I know you wouldn't this so with the length of this post but it really is true), I had a moment where I realized my thinking was all wrong. Motherhood is not about being or feeling like superwoman. It's not about having a good morning or getting more done in a day than you expected. It's not really about getting glory and in fact, it's not about me at all. Motherhood isn't measured in how pleasant you are after a full night's sleep, or how often your baby girl claps at the funny songs you sing for her. It's about doing the very best you can with whatever comes your way for the people that you love and are responsible for. This morning, all the things that came my way were things that make me squirm. But the toxic waste is gone, the carpet cleaned, my baby's napping with a clean bottom and I even managed to get a doctor appointment for later this morning. Hopefully she'll be able to help get rid of one squirmy thing. But even if she can't, life feels a little super.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
The People That Built Me
Miranda Lambert has a song, 'The House That Built Me.' It's a song asking if she could go into her childhood home for a visit, just to be surrounded by the walls and stand on the floors of the place that represents so much of who she is today. For many people it resonates because their lives have been spent making memories in primarily one home. I, on the other hand, moved quite a lot as a child. It was often in the same areas, but I grew up in many houses and many neighborhoods in two different continents.
For me there was no house to hold my memories as a keepsake. It was people who built me; the ones who were with me despite the moves, the ones who have walked with me from childhood until now that have spoken deeply into my heart and mind... those Family members, mentors and friends are the keepers of the memories of who I am and what makes me 'me' and I'm thinking of them especially tonight.
It's been a warm, rainy day here and it feels exactly like Christmas in Zimbabwe (my home land). I've been singing Christmas songs to Charli all day because of it and keep reminding myself I'm seven months off on the timing. Despite the scheduled nature of this area, I keep expecting someone to pop in for tea or the timer to go off signaling that the cut-out and spritz cookies are ready.
Tonight I sat down at my piano and found myself singing song after song that flooded me with memories. They're not memories I rehash often, they're the kind that sit deep in my subconscious until I sing those songs on a day like this and I'm taken back to time when I was younger and those songs were playing at school dances, on the CD I just got, or on the soundtrack to a movie I watched so many times I can still recite whole scenes... and I missed the people the built me something fierce. With it came a desperate desire for those people to know Charli.
Like everyone else, much of who I am is based on my experiences. However, my life has had many unique details in it that are shared experience to only a few others who grew up with me in these same situations. These few others understand a part of me that doesn't show very much now as an adult but it's still very much there and it drives me. It's the things about me that make up my core. Maybe if they can get to know Charli, if she can get to know them, she'll get to understand me in a way that I fear she may never know otherwise. Maybe if she met the people who built me, it'd be a bit like taking her to my hometown. There's something about going to someone's home that explains so much of who they are. I want her to understand those things about me because it will explain many things about her.
In the busyness of life, the juggling of schedules, meeting constant demands, taking opportunities to continue learning and building new friendships, I hope we can carve out enough moments for her to visit all those who make up my home.
For me there was no house to hold my memories as a keepsake. It was people who built me; the ones who were with me despite the moves, the ones who have walked with me from childhood until now that have spoken deeply into my heart and mind... those Family members, mentors and friends are the keepers of the memories of who I am and what makes me 'me' and I'm thinking of them especially tonight.
It's been a warm, rainy day here and it feels exactly like Christmas in Zimbabwe (my home land). I've been singing Christmas songs to Charli all day because of it and keep reminding myself I'm seven months off on the timing. Despite the scheduled nature of this area, I keep expecting someone to pop in for tea or the timer to go off signaling that the cut-out and spritz cookies are ready.
Tonight I sat down at my piano and found myself singing song after song that flooded me with memories. They're not memories I rehash often, they're the kind that sit deep in my subconscious until I sing those songs on a day like this and I'm taken back to time when I was younger and those songs were playing at school dances, on the CD I just got, or on the soundtrack to a movie I watched so many times I can still recite whole scenes... and I missed the people the built me something fierce. With it came a desperate desire for those people to know Charli.
Like everyone else, much of who I am is based on my experiences. However, my life has had many unique details in it that are shared experience to only a few others who grew up with me in these same situations. These few others understand a part of me that doesn't show very much now as an adult but it's still very much there and it drives me. It's the things about me that make up my core. Maybe if they can get to know Charli, if she can get to know them, she'll get to understand me in a way that I fear she may never know otherwise. Maybe if she met the people who built me, it'd be a bit like taking her to my hometown. There's something about going to someone's home that explains so much of who they are. I want her to understand those things about me because it will explain many things about her.
In the busyness of life, the juggling of schedules, meeting constant demands, taking opportunities to continue learning and building new friendships, I hope we can carve out enough moments for her to visit all those who make up my home.
Meet Charli: 11 Months
By the end of June I'll be a mom to a 1yr old! Amazing! Over the last month there's been a noticeable change in Charli's appearance and interactions. She's closer to being a toddler these days than a little baby.
Hot topic: Party tricks! Charli is quickly catching on to the fact that attention is given to babies doing party tricks and is progressively adding them to her repertoire. She started with clapping and learning Pat-A-Cake from Grandma. Following closely was the addition of waving, which she has indeed mastered. She can wave with her whole arm but that gets tiring quickly when done for the duration of our trips to the grocery store so she made a plan. She figured out that waving from her wrist (Queen of England style) saves her energy a while longer thus ensuring she can wave to many many more people from her seat in the shopping cart as we go down aisles. Meany-Moms are stunned in to silence now but they cute little blonde who waves at almost everyone she sees in public.... and in private. She waves to say good morning, waves to say goodnight, waves to say she's done with her food, waves at the cat and waves when she's bored. She's begun to clap when I come into her room to get her out of her crib in the morning or after naps.
Hot topic: Party tricks! Charli is quickly catching on to the fact that attention is given to babies doing party tricks and is progressively adding them to her repertoire. She started with clapping and learning Pat-A-Cake from Grandma. Following closely was the addition of waving, which she has indeed mastered. She can wave with her whole arm but that gets tiring quickly when done for the duration of our trips to the grocery store so she made a plan. She figured out that waving from her wrist (Queen of England style) saves her energy a while longer thus ensuring she can wave to many many more people from her seat in the shopping cart as we go down aisles. Meany-Moms are stunned in to silence now but they cute little blonde who waves at almost everyone she sees in public.... and in private. She waves to say good morning, waves to say goodnight, waves to say she's done with her food, waves at the cat and waves when she's bored. She's begun to clap when I come into her room to get her out of her crib in the morning or after naps.
Mobility Stats: As close to running as you can get while still holding on to furniture. She moves through various rooms easily and I've started to instinctively put things out of her grasp. She's started getting better with her crawling movements too although they're still more of a belly wiggle.
Teeth Stats: TWO TEETH on the bottom center and a few more are on their way up top. Now when she chews on something hard, like a metal spoon, you can hear the 'clink clink' of her pearly whites.
Language Stats: She's not saying anthing distinctive yet but she chatters a lot in a high pitch, little girl sound.... so cute!
Favorite thing to do: Try to get to the electrical cords, computer, dishwasher, cat litter, cat food or outside before I catch her. Luckily she hasn't succeeded yet.
Easiest way to get her laughing: Doing almost any silly action that ends up with me kissing her cheek...and then doing it over and over again.
Newest development: We can almost see her putting pieces together as she becomes more and more aware of basic concepts in social interaction.
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