"Use your words" and other phrases I hate but find myself doing

"Use your words" is probably the phrase I have said the most in the last 7 days. It's a phrase that has always made me cringe when moms say it to their toddlers and it still does even though I use it like a maniac. Unfortunately in the tradition of "mother knows best", moms have used it so much because it works so well. Charli is getting more independent and decisive by the day and while she's doing well with speaking, she's nowhere close to full sentences and having a vocab that expresses emotions- she's still working on the verbs and nouns.
I keep trying to think of a more creative, less irking, way to say it that will communicate to Charli what I want her to do. I wish I had time to say "Sweetheart, you aren't really a baby any more and while I understand you're still learning to speak, this whole screaming thing isn't working, could you try searching the 40 words you know and use one of them to help me understand a little better?" but "use your words" is quicker and more concise so it is what I find myself saying repeatedly.

I'm also realizing that I have to change a fair bit of my vocabulary. Firstly, words like "stupid" and "dumb" need to be eradicated. They don't have to but since I'm not going to let Charli say them, I want to set the example... and I probably shouldn't be the one she learns her unsay-able words from. Also, let's get real for a sec, should a grown woman really be using those words?

While I'm an open, fairly uninhibited person, I have no tolerance for potty-talk. And I do mean NO tolerance. In fact, if I had it my way, we'd never even say the word "bathroom" and revert to asking where the water closet is. A perfect world for me would definitely exclude the reality the we even have a need for the WC, other than to shower. However, I now have a little person who is in the beginning stages of potty training, so "peepee" and a few other words have been added to my vocabulary.

It is amazing to me how quickly and happily I will jump out of my comfort zone and alter pieces of me that I have refused to change for years simply because of one little pint sized person. She is cute, she is sometimes cuddly and she is growing up fast. My opportunity to love her and teach her the right things is not so long but incredibly important for how she sees God and people and the world. I have bigger battles to fight for her than what words I do or don't use and not enough time to do it all before she's off on her own and that is why if you play Word Bingo at my house anytime in the near future, you should include "use," "your" and "words."

Chit chat and all that

Months and months have gone by. Charli is now 20 months old and she is more of a little girl than a baby in almost every area of life. Two months ago she really started to try to communicate using English, not just the few signs I had taught her. While her pronunciation needs some polishing up, she's come so far in such a short time and is about 6 months ahead of where the doctor expects her speech to be. I'm not sure whether to attribute it to her extreme smarts (inherited from her parents of course) or whether it's simply being the youngest person always having to try to keep up with the rest of us.
Either way, she has really mastered saying 'hi' and 'bye' along with every animal sound I could think of teaching her. In fact, we ran out of them so I taught her that a lizzard sticks it's tongue in and out and a giraffe says 'yum yum yum' as it eats leaves.

She's come up with her owns ways to say the names of her 4 grandparents and 13 aunts and uncles and her 2 Chinese brothers (our international students YW and TC). She knows to say 'yes' and 'no' when I ask if she wants something because I no longer respond to her head shaking.

Much to my delight, she's begun singing with me at the piano and in the car. Her favorite song right now is "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" with a second verse involving a lion taught to her by my friend Erin. 'Baa Baa Blacksheep' is a close second, always managing to rouse a concerned look when we mention the little boy who lives down the lane.

While all this English is wonderfully exciting, I've also tried to pass on a bit of my Zimbabwean heritage by teaching her to understand a few phrases in Shona. They're simple phrases really that I use over and over with her like "bata maoko" when I want her to clap or "usa netsa Chelsea" when she's poking the cat while he tries to nap. I don't expect her to become conversant in it (I'm not), I just want her to get used to hearing the sounds of it so she can more accurately pronounce the words when she gets older. However, these phrases always seem to cause a stir when used in public. At the very least people feel the need to clarify among themselves that I am indeed speaking a different language. I have a bad tendency of over/misusing the word 'iwei' which could be translated as 'hey you.' I would never say "hey you" to Charli to get her attention but somehow in Shona it just slips out. Unfortunately it sounds almost exactly the same as the way we pronounce YW's name.  Thankfully he hasn't taken issue with the fact that in an effort to pass on some African heritage, I am simply confusing our whole household.

I can't believe how much Charli understands us and how much she can communicate back. I know that pretty soon she'll be learning her letters and numbers and explaining back to me how and why we use the forms of communication we use. Until then, I find myself soaking up the hugs and kisses that come so easily right now because I know that soon she will be able to communicate affection with words and while I hope the hugs and kisses never stop all together, as part of growing up, they'll be given less and less.

Charli's Angels and the Summer of 2012

There's only one day left in Summer 2012 and we have milked it for all it was worth (thus explaining my absence from all things internet, including this blog). The last 10 weeks have been cherished family time with Joel, Charli and I doing every budget friendly summer event we could think of. We did several road trips  which were not budget friendly when gas is $4.15 a gallon but good for our hearts and mental state as we saw family and friends in Connecticut, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, New York and Indiana. We had our share of car trouble which is also not budget friendly but not something we chose. And then there was the week long staycation we spent doing day trips to the surrounding areas. I finally made it to Boston, despite having lived so close for so long and the day was a full one starting with the Haymarket and ending with Mike's Pastry back at home after supper. I was surprised at how small the city was but soaked up the rich historical places mixed in among everyday life.
We took Charli on her first beach trip. After lugging every possible amenity from our car to the beachfront, covering her with more sunblock than even I needed and then strapping a HUGE hat to her head, I let her have free range on the surrounding area. She promptly grabbed a handful of sand, stuck it in her mouth and  clapped for herself as she looked at me. I didn't see her swallow it but it did disappear so I'm assuming her digestive tract had adequate fiber intake that day. Yes, I did use the word 'amenity' before. I used to pride myself in packing light when going to the beach with only a towel, sunblock and a Coke. Suddenly, when my baby girl's skin and comfort was involved I found that I was not satisfied with those few things. We needed snacks and back-up bottles, an umbrella, chairs to put under that umbrella, a sheet and a grass mat to go on the ground in case the towels weren't enough and so the list went on. I'm thankful that my husband is a strong man who is as supportive as he is in helping with Charli, otherwise I might still be lugging beach swag back to our car.
We also celebrated our 4th anniversary that week and left Charli overnight for the first time with her uncle and aunt.

Charli and I watched Joel's softball team work their way from 8th to 3rd in the league this year, we did some day trips to parks nearby and hung out by her paddle pool that Ouma and Papisahn gave her. All 3 of us took regular walks around the yard at sunset, enjoying fresh tomatoes, peppers, eggplant and herbs from the garden. Grilling has allowed some great meals with friends and we have truly felt spoiled by an extravagant God.

This week Charli and I did a 600 mile road trip together while Joel stayed home with our two teen boys. We were in New Jersey for a friend's wedding and then went on to move my younger sister Julie to Philadelphia. My older sister Lindsey got to come do the move with us too but we ended up each having to drive our own cars. We set out early Monday morning following Julie to her new flat and it was something out of a movie. We were a caravan of three red cars: one convertible, one SUV and one... well, mine. All of us were ready to go, sunglasses on, phones on hand. Somewhere between blasting my front speakers with my summer favorites and playing follow-the-leader through city traffic in an effort to all stay together, I realized we should have our own theme music and maybe even some high tech gear... and let's be honest, with a blonde, a redhead and a brunette all being in the mix, we should be called something sassy like Charli's Angels. I laughed at such a silly thought because it seems like I should have grown out of those notions a long time ago and that my overactive imagination should have quieted now that I'm a mom. But it hasn't. And anyway, it didn't take long for me to turn it into a corny 'mom' thought too: in many ways, my sisters are some of Charli's many, many angels. They may not technically be heavenly beings but they are people who protect and bless my little girl by the way they care for and love on her. She has many people like that in her life. I am so thankful for the family and friends who are surrounding us and her, whether we saw you this summer or not, you are a part of making our lives richer and fuller and for that I will call you by whatever sassy title you want me to.

dear Charli: today was tough. you cried a lot. you're cutting teeth and out-of-sorts and overtired. me too. i want you to know, i couldn't possibly love you more. love Mom

One Year Ago Today

My precious Bug is a year old today. She looks older and all of a sudden is acting older too. She's so very aware of her surroundings and her extroverted little personality demands that anything she can interact with gets her attention (even if it's simply a radio that plays music back to whatever she says to it). She's wicked good at making eye contact, even with total strangers. She still waves non-stop but mostly because she now understands that you wave to say 'hello' and 'goodbye,' so while her wave to say 'hi' has found a normal  duration, she now is adding in a wave to say 'bye'. She dances when she hears her music playing and claps her hands if she hears someone say 'good job' or 'good girl.' I've been made aware of the phrases I use most with her since they're the ones she best understands.Apparently one I've used a lot is "What's in your mouth."

Last week she started crawling and now there's no stopping her. Although she's happy to play by herself, I now have to keep a much more keen eye on what she's up to. The other day I saw she was chewing something that obviously wasn't food so I asked "What's in your mouth?" Without missing a beat she pulled out a chewed up bite of the junk mail I'd just set aside, showed it to me between two tiny fingers and then stuck it right back into her mouth for some finer grinding. She can tell by the intonation of my words whether she wants to respond to me or not, whether I'm coming from a positive or negative angle... and so the selective hearing is already beginning.

The close of our first year together feels pretty monumental and I've been a lot more emotional and sentimental these last few days than I expected. (Please don't let the frequency of the word 'mental' in the previous sentence be lost on you) Last night I couldn't sleep so I laid in bed for hours waiting for it to wash over me. It did in small amounts but I woke up at various times and  I couldn't help but remember what was going on a year ago.

A year ago June 23 - Around 6.30pm I told Joel I thought I was in labor. By 10pm we were sure of it and we headed over to say goodbye to a dear friend moving to Maryland for his Fellowship for Infectious Diseases. We spent the drive on the phone, calling our families to let them know we were probably going to the hospital the next day. We went to bed late that night but planned to sleep in. The average first delivery takes 14 hours. Knowing my compulsion to do life the hard way, I was expecting 24 hours of labor so sleep was definitely on the to-do list.


A year ago June 24 - Woke up to a phone call at 6.30am from my sister letting me know they were on the Tappan Zee Bridge in New York and would see me soon. 1.30pm with contractions 4 minutes apart lasting 45 seconds, we headed to the hospital. 3pm and barely keeping the tears at bay we headed home from the hospital. My contractions were decreasing in time apart and increasing in duration and pain but nothing else was happening. 3.30-4.30pm I cried. Hard. Mostly because we were close to the 24 hour mark and clearly nowhere close to having our baby. 5.30pm with contractions 2 minutes apart, lasting 45-65seconds long we fed the pets, piled in cars with bags, snacks, books and anything else my family might need in the waiting room and headed to the hospital. Joel and Mom stayed with me the next several hours bringing me icees, heat packs and talking with the nurses to distract me. At 11pm, after getting to hour 29 and knowing I still had a long way to go, I asked for an epidural. 


A year ago today, June 25- 12.30am the anesthesiologist finally came to give me an epidural.12.31am I was repeatedly telling the anesthesiologist how thankful I was for him (and I vaguely recall saying something about him being my best friend). For the next few hours I managed to doze in and out between the worst contractions. By 7am there was no more napping to be had but I felt like a new woman in labor and a bit more ready for the long haul. At 8.45am the doctor, nurses and NICU staff were on hand to begin the final stages of labor. I was ready- I could finally do something to meet my baby. At 10.05am a screaming, squiggling little person was placed on my chest. I cried again. Hard, happy tears. There are no words in the world to describe how fast the pain and exhaustion disappears in the flood of 'motherness' that comes over you the moment you hear, see or feel your baby. Moments later Joel announced it was a girl.Still a bit loopy from the epidural, I told him I'd get him a shotgun for her sixteenth birthday and the doctor looked on disapprovingly (wonder how he felt about gun control). The next few hours and days consisted of introducing Charli to our families and a few friends too. As new parents we undervalued the ability to sleep in the hospital, accepting insane numbers of visitors at all kinds of hours and paid for it later. But we made memories and greeted a steep learning curve as best we knew how.


When we brought Charli home, we were greeted with a huge sign out front announcing 'It's A Girl,' excited aunties ready to shower Charli with affection, flower arrangements that had been dropped off and my brother-in-law even got me my own Feta cheese (one of the foods I most missed eating while pregnant). Mom and my youngest sister spent the first few days with us cleaning, running errands and taking Charli between feedings so I could make up for all the sleep I missed at first. Friends and family brought us suppers for the better part of a month and my mother-in-law was on call to do things like dishes and vacuum our carpets and watch Charli while I napped. We were spoiled.


The list of people who have loved us this first year is long and the list of ways they've supported us is even longer. The year has had a zillion changes and trials- some to do with parenthood but many not at all. In the midst of all the craziness we have been afforded the privilege of raising and getting to know a beautiful little girl who has changed us forever. In one year with Charli Grace I have come to know a depth in my own person and most certainly in my God that I would never have known otherwise. I can't image what year 2 will bring us.

Guts But No Glory

Joel's car is in the shop. We remembered this five minutes before he had to head to work today. Any other day I would toss him the keys to Betsy, my large-and-in-charge old man car. However, today was the day I was hoping to finally see a doctor about my poison ivy that set up shop nine weeks ago (yes, NINE WEEKS!) and is still progressing. Don't get me wrong, I have seen a doctor. In fact, two different doctors have given me two different prescriptions which have both done less than whatever concoctions I come up with at home and while I've bought CVS' entire stock of over-the-counter treatments and persisted in trying them for the last seven weeks, they're inefficacious against this monster. After calling every dermatologists near me yesterday and finding out that the fastest any one of them could see me was October (wow, did I pick the wrong career!), I was hoping that my good old GP could do something about this. Needless to say, waiving all rights to Betsy today was not an option. Two minutes later I was dressed and we were packing up the car.

After the mad dash of loading up Charli, her breakfast and any diaper bag details Murphy would decide we need if we tried to chance it and fighting traffic to and from Joel's work, I arrived home ready to start my day. The babe was fed, I was dressed, my husband was at work, it was only 8.15am and I had energy to spare. I felt a bit like superwoman.

Right  after I got Charli dressed for the day,  my cat, ChelseaFootballClub, decided that his morning diet wasn't sitting right with him. Not to get graphic, but I'm pretty sure the reason he had indigestion was because he ate five times the amount his stomach could digest. I had visions of trying to keep the cat and Charli away from me while cleaning up toxic waste without a hazmat suit. Not going to work. So I tossed the cat outside and got Charli set up with some blueberries in her high chair before arming myself with all kinds of tools and chemicals. The clean up with far less traumatic than I anticipated and I realized I had time to get all the trash inside the house out to the large can before the collectors came this morning. I was beginning to feel a bit like superwoman again until I stepped out the door armed with full trash bags... onto the remaining guts of the mouse that had gotten revenge on Chelsea shortly before. Did I mention it's Spring so I am always barefoot? This was followed by the first explosive diaper we've ever had. Really, how could this morning get started any better?

I was tempted to fall apart, crawl back in bed and call the day quits. And while anyone who knows me, knows how very uncomfortable guts and body functions make me (I know you wouldn't this so with the length of this post but it really is true), I had a moment where I realized my thinking was all wrong. Motherhood is not about being or feeling like superwoman. It's not about having a good morning or getting more done in a day than you expected. It's not really about getting glory and in fact, it's not about me at all. Motherhood isn't measured in how pleasant you are after a full night's sleep, or how often your baby girl claps at the funny songs you sing for her. It's about doing the very best you can with whatever comes your way for the people that you love and are responsible for. This morning, all the things that came my way were things that make me squirm. But the toxic waste is gone, the carpet cleaned, my baby's napping with a clean bottom and I even managed to get a doctor appointment for later this morning. Hopefully she'll be able to help get rid of one squirmy thing. But even if she can't, life feels a little super.

The People That Built Me

Miranda Lambert has a song, 'The House That Built Me.' It's a song asking if she could go into her childhood home for a visit, just to be surrounded by the walls and stand on the floors of the place that represents so much of who she is today. For many people it resonates because their lives have been spent making memories in primarily one home. I, on the other hand, moved quite a lot as a child. It was often in the same areas, but I grew up in many houses and many neighborhoods in two different continents.
For me there was no house to hold my memories as a keepsake. It was people who built me; the ones who were with me despite the moves, the ones who have walked with me from childhood until now that have spoken deeply into my heart and mind... those Family members, mentors and friends are the keepers of the memories of who I am and what makes me 'me' and I'm thinking of them especially tonight.

It's been a warm, rainy day here and it feels exactly like Christmas in Zimbabwe (my home land). I've been singing Christmas songs to Charli all day because of it and keep reminding myself I'm seven months off on the timing. Despite the scheduled nature of this area, I keep expecting someone to pop in for tea or the timer to go off signaling that the cut-out and spritz cookies are ready.
Tonight I sat down at my piano and found myself singing song after song that flooded me with memories. They're not memories I rehash often, they're the kind that sit deep in my subconscious until I sing those songs on a day like this and I'm taken back to time when I was younger and those songs were playing at school dances, on the CD I just got, or on the soundtrack to a movie I watched so many times I can still recite whole scenes... and I missed the people the built me something fierce. With it came a desperate desire for those people to know Charli.

Like everyone else, much of who I am is based on my experiences. However, my life has had many unique details in it that are shared experience to only a few others who grew up with me in these same situations. These few others understand a part of me that doesn't show very much now as an adult but it's still very much there and it drives me. It's the things about me that make up my core. Maybe if they can get to know Charli, if she can get to know them, she'll get to understand me in a way that I fear she may never know otherwise. Maybe if she met the people who built me, it'd be a bit like taking her to my hometown. There's something about going to someone's home that explains so much of who they are. I want her to understand those things about me because it will explain many things about her.
In the busyness of life, the juggling of schedules, meeting constant demands, taking opportunities to continue learning and building new friendships, I hope we can carve out enough moments for her to visit all those who make up my home.

Meet Charli: 11 Months

By the end of June I'll be a mom to a 1yr old! Amazing! Over the last month there's been a noticeable change in Charli's appearance and interactions. She's closer to being a toddler these days than a little baby.


Hot topic: Party tricks! Charli is quickly catching on to the fact that attention is given to babies doing party tricks and is progressively adding them to her repertoire. She started with clapping and learning Pat-A-Cake from Grandma. Following closely was the addition of waving, which she has indeed mastered. She can wave with her whole arm but that gets tiring quickly when done for the duration of our trips to the grocery store so she made a plan. She figured out that waving from her wrist (Queen of England style) saves her energy a while longer thus ensuring she can wave to many many more people from her seat in the shopping cart as we go down aisles. Meany-Moms are stunned in to silence now but they cute little blonde who waves at almost everyone she sees in public.... and in private. She waves to say good morning, waves to say goodnight, waves to say she's done with her food, waves at the cat and waves when she's bored. She's begun to clap when I come into her room to get her out of her crib in the morning or after naps.

Mobility Stats: As close to running as you can get while still holding on to furniture. She moves through various rooms easily and I've started to instinctively put things out of her grasp. She's started getting better with her crawling movements too although they're still more of a belly wiggle.

Teeth Stats: TWO TEETH on the bottom center and a few more are on their way up top. Now when she chews on something hard, like a metal spoon, you can hear the 'clink clink' of her pearly whites.

Language Stats: She's not saying anthing distinctive yet but she chatters a lot in a high pitch, little girl sound.... so cute!

Favorite thing to do: Try to get to the electrical cords, computer, dishwasher, cat litter, cat food or outside before I catch her. Luckily she hasn't succeeded yet.

Easiest way to get her laughing: Doing almost any silly action that ends up with me kissing her cheek...and then doing it over and over again. 

Newest development: We can almost see her putting pieces together as she becomes more and more aware of basic concepts in social interaction.

Meet Charli (10 Months)

Ten months! The last few weeks have been busy ones with lots of traveling. Charli and I have visited NJ twice, PA once and of course driven through NY for each trip. We celebrated Easter with my Mom's side of the family and she found her first Easter egg and proceeded to stick it in her mouth. I wasn't concerned about this until two minutes later when her darling face was dyed neon pink. It was pretty fantastic but the 'mother' part of my brain figured it was not so safe so we switched the real egg for a plastic one for her to gum.

She got to see Great-Grandma and all of her grandparents, aunts and uncles this month (which is quite a feat considering some live overseas and there are 12 uncles and aunts all involved in different life stages and commitments).
The last week was spent in NJ saying goodbye to my parents and youngest sister and helping pack them up for another four years (yes, that's a long time) overseas but THAT is a post for another time. Yesterday she and I returned home to see Joel and our international student, Y, and join life here in CT again. It's always a bit chaotic stepping away and then back into 'regular' life but in the midst of it all she's been doing great.


Hot topic: Taking steps! Today she took a few steps by herself 3 separate times. I tried to get it on video the next time which ended in her face planting. Since the fall she's been a bit hesitant to try again for some reason.

Mobility Stats: Moving. Quicky! She still wants to hold on to something but takes fast steps and can often keep up with a close-to-normal walking pace.

Teeth Stats: You can see the bottom two through the skin on her gums so they're coming soon!

Language Stats: She's figured out that saying 'ma-ma-ma-ma-ma' gets her a response from me so she uses it frequently when she's hungry. Definitely going to be a singer as she's been working on varying her pitch... practicing vocal warm-ups already.

Favorite thing to do: Play with a singing, light-up chair that Grandma got her. It's in NJ and she can't wait for our next visit.

Easiest way to get her laughing: Playing with her Daddy.

Newest development: Taking steps of course!

Meet Charli (9 Months)

Nine months brings with it constant change and seems like a transitional age as she's no longer a newborn but not quite yet a toddler. Every day is a new adventure for Charli as she changes so quickly. Meet Charli at nine months old:

Hot topic: Food. She's eating 2 meals a day (which is a change from this) and goes bonkers over Cheerios and multi-grain crackers. Tonight, in between double-fisting Cheerios into her mouth, she had her first meat ever- roast chicken

Mobility Stats: She still refuses to crawl but easily scooches around furniture.

Teeth Stats: You can see the bottom two through the skin on her gums so they're c

oming soon!

Language Stats: No words yet but she's always chatting about something, making all kinds of sounds. Since she first started making sounds she's made a chirping noise when happy. Today a bird outside her window actually chirped back and forth with her a few times. It was pretty fantastic.

Favorite thing to do: We let her stand holding onto the back of a dining room chair and place another one within arms reach. She loves going back and forth between them. This usually lasts for 15 minutes and then I hear a desperate little cry as her arm inevitably gets stuck. Chair hopping of course would easily be beaten out by 'eating paper' but I'm learning to keep all paper goods out of her reach so she seldom gets that extra fiber added to her diet these days. However, in the past months her tummy has seen small amounts of Joel's business cards, an electric bill, The Economist, Family Circle and tissue paper (yes, the kind you wrap prezzies with and yes, it melts incredibly fast when wet).

Easiest way to get her laughing: Playing with her Daddy.

Newest development: Snuggling. She's always loved contact with people but she's usually such a squiggle bug. Right before naps and putting her to bed though, she's starting to like just being held by us. Best feeling ever!

Sit, stand, then lay down and cry about it

Charli started sitting up around 3 months. She wanted to sit at 2 but simply couldn't straighten her back for very long. By 4 months I'd plop her on the floor and could do something that needed doing. She started rolling over a few months ago and though I still plop her on the floor, I also have to clear the floor of anything I don't want her to have and if I walk into the next room I can't be gone long as she'll inevitably become insanely curious about something like the power cord I tucked beneath the couch. (Seriously, the girl has Joel's energy and my willpower. It is a great combo... that needs eternal supervision) At six months she began holding onto the edge of a sofa or bed and standing on her own. She still reeeeally likes to hang onto the rungs on the back of our dining room chairs. Over a month ago she learned to get herself on all fours and has an increasing desire to move forward. All this time later she is still getting on all fours, looking at the object of her desire and then laying down on her tummy to either roll to it or cry it out.

Maybe I should be worried that my daughter who was initially such a quick student on mobility has now seemed to hit a wall. Other mothers with 9 month old babies who have cut teeth or babies who are crawling holes in their carpets have certainly seemed to suggest so. I've noticed that the majority of these mothers hang out at the grocery store. They are there every time I go even though I never go at the same time or weekday.

There's this unwritten set of rules that all new parents instinctively know. When you see another young parent, stop. Say hi. Then talk about your babies; names, ages and what ability they've just aquired.

The first few times other mothers seemed to be concerned for Charli, I got a bit flustered. Then I took a deep breath, realized these women have no more experience than I do in child raising and I looked at the people around me. Almost everyone I saw was walking. Chances are Charli will figure out the whole one-foot-in-front-of-the-other sooner rather than later. If nothing else, she'll figure it out on her first day of school when she experiences peer pressure. In the meantime, I can still get a few things done around the house because I'm not chasing my child around.

Now, should I happen upon a self-righteous mother-of-a-walking-talking-infant, I don't pay too much attention to the way their face looks after chatting with me about what Charli's up to. She'll most likely get that politely concerned look on her face because Charli's not crawling yet. And I'll have a smile on mine.... because Charli's not crawling yet.

Food fight

Take a look at the picture to your left. What do you see?Yes, you see a cutie pie. Yes, you can observe her pink shirt, blue bib and button nose. Yes, she can hold a bowl by herself. What you are really looking at though, is victory! It's in the bowl! There's nothing to see and that right there is what I'm so excited about.

For 3 months I have tried to get Charli to eat solids. I have tried being funny, tried clapping, tried begging, singing, shoving, jumping, tricking and I even prayed. She would have none of it.

Clearly, she inherited my stubbornness. And the only way to win against that is sheer, defiant will power. Which is a problem for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm used to winning the battle of the wills but I'm also used to having a REM cycle or two to help with staying power. The last few months have been full days and short nights with interruptions every 2.5 hours.

I have had to motivate myself to pick the fight with food by reminding myself that I can wean her as soon as real food can sustain her. And once she's weaned, I can go out alone spontaneously again. No more planning a week ahead to make sure a bottle is ready and then racing home before the next feeding. No matter how much I hate this food fight and no matter how sleep deprived my little brain might be, I still know that it would be stupid stupid stupid to give up. So I have trudged for three months, asking for advice, handing the duty off to my Mom and sister when I can and trying to make Charli jealous of all the fun we have at dinner eating real food by looking at her and smiling every time I take a bite (okay, not really on the creepy dinner eating but maybe I should have tried it).

All that work with no success until last week when we sat down to do battle and she opened her mouth right up. She did it over and over again until the bowl was cleaned out. I wanted to be frustrated at the sudden switch but relief won out. I literally cheered. She liked that. Then I took a picture. I felt good about that. Now each night when I feed her, she eats and I cheer.... but I figured one empty bowl picture is enough.

Peek-a-boo...where am I?

Here I am! I find myself playing that game increasingly... not only with Charli but with everything else in life. The last few months changes in Charli, combined with the holiday marathon season meant that most areas of my life got compartmentalized and put away for a while. Now I find myself pulling out those boxes and dusting them off, including the one that had this blog in it.

If you haven't been around to actually spend time with us in the last few months, you've missed A LOT. Right before Christmas Charli was pretty good at sitting on her own. Here's an update since then:

-Charli figured out how to roll over but didn't ever do it because it meant being on her stomach and she hates that.

-She then became a flipping machine once she realized she could go places with it.

-She now has found flipping across the floor to be too slow and is trying to figure out how to move her knees once she gets on all fours. (However, she can pull herself to standing and is starting to take steps)

-Joel has a new job. No more '2 jobs, one working week'... thank the Lord!

-Between Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's and 'just because' times, we have driven between NJ and CT more than I can count.

-Charli was dedicated in church.

-I went to a wedding in Missouri- my first time spending 4 days with just Charli and no Joel, Charli's first airplane flight.

-And as if we didn't have enough excitement and change in our lives, we had an international student come live with us from Jan-June. This of course included some room changes and moving of many things that have yet to be organized and put in a home.

But not everything has changed:

-Charli still won't eat solids

- Chelsea Football Club (the cat) still wines like a baby when Charli is crying or singing... and it still results in me throwing him outside.

Probably doesn't sound like a whole lot in there but it's been exhausting and wonderful and I think I am almost done playing catch-up on life. On that note, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Happy Valentine's Day!

Mommy Mishap

This is what happens when you assume you'll remember the Nuks you're sterilizing in boiling in water... 45 minutes later you smell burning plastic.

Who stole the cookie?

I got a prezzie in the mail from dear friends, the dearest kind of friend really, and it made me cry. It wasn't something I registered for on my fancy baby registry. It wasn't something I begged them to get me when asked if there was something I needed. It was something I mentioned I wanted to have in our home as our kids grew up. I mentioned it in passing several months ago and a few days ago it landed on my door step. A cookie jar! It's a goofy cookie jar in the form of a ceramic blue monster who looks quite endearing. It came with a 'sweet tooth' recipe book of our favorite cookies growing up from moms and grandmas and family friends and a 'Someone in Zimbabwe Loves Me' tshirt. The jar sits on my kitchen table and is stocked with snickerdoodles, the cookie that always seemed to be on hand at her house when we were kids.

I want a cookie jar in our house to help make it home for our kids. Partly because a balanced diet includes sweets and snacks and cookies are pretty traditional for both categories. But mostly to build memories. Sounds strange, I know, but it's true.

We always had a cookie jar growing up. It sat on top of our fridge and I'm not sure it was ever an actual cookie jar but it's where cookies were stored. Growing up, it was a tupperware-like container of some kind. We could only reach it if we dragged a chair across the room and stood on it, giving mom plenty of time to step in and enforce portion control. In my high school years it became (and still is) a tall white metal tin with a lid on it. A country kitchen style cookie jar. This was probably because right around that time we had 6 extra teenagers living with us, my extended family if you will. We were only supposed to have 2 cookies a day and in fact I think it was only supposed to be 2 cookies, 3 days a week. It's not that we tried to take more than we were supposed to, it's just what happened when 7 out of the 9 kids in the house could reach the cookies without a chair and all 9 of us were allowed to have friends over. It probably explains why the tin was so big and why Mom stopped making regular batches of cookies and started baking monster cookies. One batch makes 24 dozen!

Eating cookies was not a highlight of my childhood, it wasn't what memories were formed around but it definitely is a little detail of what home was for me. Cookies in the cookie jar. There weren't always cookies, in fact many times it was a treat when they were there, but they were one more way Mom gave us better than what we needed and provided not just a safe, but a comfortable, happy home. The kind where memories are made and time together is sweet because we're loved and thought of in the little ways too. That's why I want a cookie jar for my kids.

Welcome to Motherhood

I am a mom. It's validated by the precious little girl sleeping next to me right now and also by the fact that I have been trying to write this post for 12 weeks and been sidetracked by baths, feedings and diaper changes instead.

I wrote a while ago about making 'mom' decisions. In these last 12 weeks I've learned a lot. I don't know it all but here are some things I've learned so far:

1. Since Joel and I are her parents, we are the final say for all things Charlotte. If we don't protect her, we're not doing our job. If someone doesn't listen to us, they're disobeying and lose the privilege of holding her. (As you can see, this understanding makes me sassy.)

2. Parenthood has the most brutal initiation ever. It's like guerrilla warfare- learn under fire or everyone dies.

3. Becoming a mom puts you on a perpetual guilt trip. Perpetual guilt trips will make you crazy. The only way to get away from is it to yell something louder than your thoughts for the rest of your life or talk it out with whoever's around, even if it's your cat because even talking to your cat is a better option than yelling loudly for the rest of your life.

4. Everything is emotional. Everything. This is why it takes your mom 20 minutes to give you a simple yes or no. In those 20 minutes she has just relived every single painful and happy memory you've ever shared- even the ones you don't remember. She's lassoed intense emotions and talked her way back to a rational state with the truth. She then weighs your chances of succeeding in whatever endeavor you're pursuing before giving you the answer that is most likely to increase your win/loss ratio. Don't give her a hard time.

5. You need a fall guy for when all else fails, because it will. And it will render you useless to any kind of decision making. This is when you present the options to your fall guy and say "babe, which one do I want?"

Simply the best!

Wow, we're in our 37th week! I say 'we' because I've become increasingly aware of how much I've seen this as my pregnancy but it's not. It's Joel's too, he just doesn't carry the baby. He does however, carry me... a lot! Sometimes he literally carries me but he's increasingly helping me up from sitting down, bending over for me, reaching up for me, waiting for me and most of all encouraging me.

I've had a lot of supportive people making sure I'm okay but from the moment we found out, Joel has been a fully devoted parent. He was excited even before we took a test to confirm we were pregnant when I expected he'd need some time to get his mind around it all. He was the one who said I shouldn't work during the pregnancy, and to make it possible he changed his job situation. He's always thankful when he walks in the door and can smell dinner cooking and he never complains if I'm just now getting the energy to get it going. There are several times when he's offered to run out just as we're settling in for the night because I mentioned that a certain food sounds good right now. I think we've only done that once for a Frosty but he always means it.

He didn't just show up to register with me, he made it fun for both of us by stopping to pick up Starbucks and having opinions on things. (He also picked a few of his own items for the baby which is why we have this on there!)

He's paid attention to details he would normally care less about and on nights when I'm having a hard time falling asleep he'll rub my back or play with my hair to help me relax no matter how tired he is.

There's no simply way to explain who he is to me and how wonderful of a husband he is. Joel's attitude and commitment towards me, his family and our baby is the most compelling reason why I know we're going to love this adventure. Yes, things will be hard and things will go wrong but it's hard not to be excited when my partner is simply the best there is!

"Can I pop?" and other queries

I'm 32 weeks pregnant. That means there's only 8 weeks until my due date. That also means that if the baby comes a few weeks early like I've been hoping, I'll be able to breathe with full lung capacity in 6 weeks!

Yup, the breathing just keeps getting harder. About a month ago I discovered the only way to put my shoes on quickly was to hold my breath while I bent over. About 2 weeks ago I realized my lack of motivation to weed simply comes from a lack of ability to sit on the ground and bend over at the same time. Two nights ago we were watching Chicago Code and I dropped the remote control. To get it myself would have required me to:

1. Lay down sideways (bending)

2. Roll off the couch (bending)

3. Stand up straight before (believe it or not, this too requires me to bend to be able to get straight)

4. Doing a very ungraceful pregnant-lady plie (definite bending)

5. Stand up straight again so let my lungs get a fill then finally

6. Sitting back down on the couch

By the time all this would be done, I would be gasping for breath and there would be no need for the remote as all 4 minutes of advertisements would have been done and the show back on. Thank goodness for a husband who's more than willing to help with these usually-menial-now-slightly-traumatic experiences.

Yes, occasionally I have a flare for the dramatic but not in this case. Avoiding bending is simply a matter of survival right now.

You see, my stomach has extended as far out as it possibly can. There is no possible room left in there for it to be pushed forward. Because of this, I have started to grow sideways. Yup, sideways.

In spite of the baby taking up extra room on my sides, it has decided there's something about being below my belly button that it doesn't like. So it keeps it's body right about level with it- putting it's arms and legs up into my rib cage. My lungs especially enjoy this during the now-regular 4am stretches that include an extra amount of fist and foot pumping. I find myself waking up gasping for air, as one does when it's lungs get punched repeatedly.

Once I got beyond morning sickness, I've had a pretty easy pregnancy. When people try to keep me from doing daily tasks, moving things or picking things up, my mantra has been "I'm pregnant, not an invalid"... until now. Several times a day my questions about who this baby will be get interrupted by logistical questions like "The baby still has to grow. Does that mean it'll just get tighter living quarters for these last few weeks or does that mean I'm gonna pop? CAN I pop? " and "I heard this baby's supposed to begin moving lower so I can breathe? Will it do this soon so I can bend again or is this baby going to have my defiant streak in it and decide to not move lower at all despite what EVERY medical advisor says? Do I remember how to bend?"

Not so graceful, I know, just like my plies right now. But there will soon come a day when the questions will be answered or won't matter anymore. Because I'm holding our son or daughter and breathing just fine.

The traveling circus

Whew. I'm back. After having Kara visit from Missouri for 5 days, I zipped off to sunny South Carolina to see Amy and Jon for a long weekend. Two days later Joel and I left with his family for a 14 hour drive out to Ohio in an RV for Daniel and Kaydrie's wedding. I spent the last week doing insane amounts of laundry, grocery shopping, enjoying home cooked meals (it really didn't take long for them to feel like a novelty again) and painting several rooms in the house to get it ready for this weekend. Don't worry- I used to No VOC paint which is safe for Baby.

This weekend Daniel and Kaydrie have a wedding celebration for their Connecticut friends and family. Joel and I will be hosting Easter dinner on Sunday for the Lagans and Clymers- 21 people in the immediate family and more if grandparents end up coming. I wasn't worried about it at all until I actually considered how much space tables for that many people will take up... pretty much any that we have. We have a yard and a patio which would be great except Sunday is supposed to be really stormy. Lindz and David will be around to help prep the food, set things up and in general make life more rich.

Next week Dad, Mom and Rach get back to the States and the following weekend Julie graduates. At my Dr's appointment this morning I was told I probably won't be allowed to travel to it. In other words, my Dr actually thinks that she can tell me where I am and am not allowed to go. I understand a strong recommendation against it, but to tell me that I'm not ALLOWED to go brought out that very small part of me that does things out of spite. I really wanted to say "Well, since I'm a grown woman, you bet your bottom dollar I'll be going- because I love my sister dearly but also because you're being silly." Unfortunately I can't do that. My decisions affect someone else now a whole lot more than they have before. I'm probably still going to end up going since I have no real concern to expect early labor or pregnancy complications but I've got an appointment the day before I leave to get clearance from a Dr. I have a sneaking suspicion that she'll let me go IF I promise to stop and stretch every 2 hours... which will make the 12 hour drive closer to 14.

It's times like this, when home is more like rest stop during a trip, when much of my time is spent commuting, when Joel and I have a huge stock of books on CD, that remind me how much we love traveling. Despite the inconveniences, the cost, the energy required, it's still exciting to us. We still look forward to seeing everyone and it's easier to forgo desperately needed sleep in exchange for 2 hours at the wheel because we're on a highway to somewhere to see someone we love.

A few weeks ago we registered at Babies R Us. I think the most expensive thing we asked for was a pack 'n play. We also are so thankful for the comfy car seat we were given and requested a gigantuan diaper bag, several sippy cups and good car window shades. On both of our priority list was good gear to make travel easy for this kid- because we intend to do lots of it still. Baby will learn to sleep in a car seat, to amuse him/herself for a long time or sing along to music. If not by nature then by necessity.

Joel has an inate wanderlust in him, mine however was developed. I can not tell you the number of times I wondered why Dad and Mom insisted we leave the airport to tour London when I was so tired, or added an entire day to an already long trip so we could see the Dakota's Badlands and Mt Rushmore. I went along with it because I had no choice. But then came college and Lindz and I bonded over trips like that- a last minute 30 hour trek to Texas for a wedding only to turn around that same night so we could make it back for work on Monday. A flight out to San Clemente, CA got us lost and stranded on the LA beach line. We barely made it back in time for Aunty Judy to pick us up at the airport. Countless trips between CT, PA, NJ and OH have made us sickeningly familiar with Hwy 84, 91, 287, 80, 76, 13 and Rt 1. All of a sudden the whole idea of dragging myself all over the place was something I LIKED. I LIKE seeing people I love. I LIKE seeing new places. I LIKE building the kind of memories with people that only endless hours in a car seems to build.

Whether Baby is born with Joel's wanderlust or my homebody side, we will teach it to LIKE traveling too.

This is a story about a whale....

I'm a few weeks into my third trimester and getting quite anxious to meet this 'Wee Little Lagan' as Rosemary so affectionately dubbed it. (For some reason Mom liked this name better than David and Julie's suggested 'Squidwad') I get sore if I stand for more than a few minutes and I've started to grow sideways because my stomach is out as far as it's going to go. I can't bend in half and I have to hold my breath when I put on my shoes because the baby moves up against my lungs. In general, I feel like a whale -a beached one that can't really go anywhere or do anything like it's used to doing. Oh the not-so-glorious parts of pregnancy.

In the midst of this discomfort, I'm finding myself more and more anxious to meet this little person who has already so greatly changed my priorities. I'm starting to want to clean everything thoroughly because I want our home to be as safe and comfortable as possible. It's easier to turn down my favorite salty and sugary foods because someone else is affected by even the simplest of my food choices. It's easier to WANT to find my flaws and change so I can be the best wife and mom possible for our home. I find myself getting excited for labor because it means I'm so close to finding out if I have a little boy to love fiercely or a little girl to treasure. Everyone's born with their own personality. I can't wait to discover his/hers. I wonder if our first child will be more like Joel or me? I wonder which uncle they'll look forward to seeing most, which aunt they'll want advice from? I also wonder which of our friends will become extended family members helping raise our children. Not just this one, all of them.

I can't explain the changes that God works in my heart on a daily basis. There's a growing and a deepening of a part of me that has always been pretty small. A part of me that makes decisions and isn't so worried about what other people think. That part of me that didn't quite consider myself an adult is shrinking even more. I not only like respect from kids now, I expect it. I'm an adult in a way I haven't been before. I'm beginning to make 'mom' decisions and struggle with 'mom' struggles. While it's just the beginning, my mentality has changed quite a bit.

As a child, I was always under my parents. I lived a life that meant I respected them and anyone older than me. As a teenager, I was still under my parents but they gave me freedom. College was a time to step out on my 'own' but still have the security of my parents as the final say. Getting married put Joel and I out on our own. It stopped with us. We were in charge of our decisions and we weren't responsible to anyone. Now all of a sudden we're in a new place. We're not just doing life together, we're leading in a way we never have. Leading a new generation of children and we're responsible to teach them in such a way that they can eventually do the same.